Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Assignment and emoness

These few weeks I really feels like shit. Everytime I woke up I always feel I don't want to go to College. But in the end I always go though. I'm afraid I will fail. I feel so frustrated, but my sense of responsibility just won't let me give up after I go this far. I really can bear telling my mom that I fail. So I push myself to go forward, even though it's very very slow. I feel my design this term sucks. And worse, I don't feel like I want to upgrade it. I just want to pass this term. I just feel sick of it already.

But I don't think I will quitting design. No, I still love design. It's just that I get sick of it already this term. I just need a break. A nice short break will enough. I really really feel I want to scream, angry and cry. But I just feel too tired to do it. Usually my escape only in my sleep, but even now my assignment keep haunting my dream =.=

I become easily pissed off. I feel so bitchy. Even though I still can hold it for a moment, I feel lately I just can't hold it anymore. I feel so annoyed easily, and I think my easily annoyed self is annoying. I think myself as an annoying girl. I try to control it, but really, lack of sleep just won't help it. Sometimes I think I'm too harsh and insensitive, but I just too tired to care anymore. I really am trying to be quiet more and more these days, just to avoid any insensitiveness in me, but lately I also can't help it. I feel sorry, but sometimes I think I'm not wrong to be angry or annoyed. All of us are not kids anymore. Sure we can think and act maturely. I really can't handle people sometimes, maybe that's because I lack of social skill, or my OCD thingy. Ah, whatever.

My other problems lately is it's hard put myself in other people's shoes. So sometimes I just can't take some actions that I think improper for me, while for others it might be just normal. I try not to show it though, since I know I'm the only one that can't take it. Sometimes I ended up understand about it and can take it, but sometimes I really can imagine if me doing that. It's just... WHY??? How could you??? But yeah, must understand about differences =.= Not all people as weird as me LOL. Sometimes OCD makes you one of a kind, everything must be proper. Until now I still think that when I put a stuff on top of something, the distance between the right edge and left edge must be the same and mixed rice is NOT a food! How could you mix this and that??? The taste must be weird and how could you put something with a taste on top of something else with different taste??? Some more the food will not warm and it's not fresh anymore because it was cooked far before you order it. Weird. Or it's just me that is weird. I know it's me LOL.

Yea, so the conclusion is I feel so emo lately, even though I hate myself in emo mode. I listen to emo songs, my thoughts are emo, even my blog post become emo post =.=