Recently I heard a story from friend about the other friend who said that she's wearing mask everyday. Well, ofcourse you know what mask means here, she's pretending. Well, actually I'm not so sure about what she means by pretending here, but it makes me think about some other things.
I can't really blame people for pretending. If that's your choice, why other people need to bother? Do they prefer the 'real' you? Okay, for example there's A, a normal Jane with normal social life, surrounded by many friends. Her friends like her because she's such nice girl. What they don't know that actually she's a super cynical girl whose frank in giving opinion, only she always restrain that act. So she always try to be nice and proper, never say hurtful stuff to other people even though her cynical mind make some remarks about it. What's wrong with that? Do you prefer the cynical girl A, or the nice girl A?
Admit it, most people just want to hear what they want to hear. When you know your friend have figth with his/her girl/boyfriend, and actually you think that their girl/boyfriend is such an ass and not worth his/her affection, would you tell him/her straghtly to just forget about him/her blah blah that you must break up blah blah she/he's such an ass blah blah? Even though that's the truth, I bet 8 out of 10 people won't do that. Why? Because people just want to hear what they want to hear, they want comfort, not the truth. And if you tell the truth, everything will become awkward later. If they really break up, they will eventually blame you because you're the one who trigger it. If they do not break up, they'll think you're a bad influence for their relationship for 'trying' to separate them. Either way you'll still be the bad guy.
How can you blame people for pretending to be nice? Is it better to just show your dislikeness? Some people can control their dislikeness towards other people, so why blame them for controlling it? Not everyone blessed with nice personality like you. Some people just grew up in a f**ked-up environment that shaped their personality into a f**ked-up one too. Not everyone think that world is all about raibows, butterflies and many other pretty things.
So for some people, mask is their essential tools to survive. While other people who never need to wear mask call masked people as a sad hypocrite whose not worthy for many things that they can't enjoy without wearing mask. Is it wrong to pretend to be a nice person? Is it wrong to want to be liked?
Please don't say something like "well, sometime it's needed, but if ME, I'll only so that when it's needed"
Yes, yes, you're right and I can't say that's wrong for all people also do that.
But what I want to say here is "Can you blame people for wearing mask?"
So people... to mask, or to unmask?
Friday, September 26, 2008
To Mask or To Unmask
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3 comments:
Just my strictly my opinion.
In the case of the cynical girl. She chose to control it. That means she is not that cynical. And that also means she really doesn't want to hurt ppl with her cynical remark. Everybody have their cynical side.It is really up to you to know what to say, how to say and when to say it. That's merely contolling it.But IF she goes around wanting people to think she is nice and and denying she's cynical, that's hypocrisy.
In the case of the gf/bf having a fight. I must disagree with you. Yes, ppl want to hear what they want to hear. Comfort. But they also want somebody to wake them up. So you think the bf is such an ass and you feel she should just wake up and dump him. Why most people won't say that? Like you said ppl are afraid they will be held responsible for their breakup. But by not telling them the truth, that is NOT a mask. That's just hiding the truth.
An no, nobody can be blamed for being nice. Sometimes you should be nice to avoid conflict. And why must you be un-nice? Everybody is taught to be morally upright. But is everybody morally upright? No right? Yes, the screwed up upbringing environment and screwed up personality. Look around you. How many people who was brought up in such good environment (in the case of a Christian family for e.g) that turned up to be like a screwed up piece of meat. Can you blame the environment? Actually you can but not entirely.Everybody pretends to be nice in one way or another.
I quote : Not everyone blessed with nice personality like you.
It's not a blessing in my pov. It's a choice.
And lastly, I don't think it's wrong to be nice and wanting to be liked. It's human nature. Nobody wants to be hated.
So UNMASK. Let people know you are not that goody two shoes. Let them know that and if you can pretend to be nice, you CAN be nice. At least people know your effort to be nice rather than in the end people know you are just pretending it. Come on man, masking IS hypocrisy.And as you all already know...we are all hypocrites. How many times we tell people, "It's okay..." but actually nothing is okay?
To your another question, "Can you blame people for wearing mask?" Actually, no. But I still think they have a choice. Everybody masks. The question is, "When are you going to stop?"... I think it makes you feel worse hiding behind that awful mask.
Again, sorry if I sounded like some stuck-up and self-righteous person here. I am not. I mask too at times. It's just my opinion and if people don't like it I probably should wear another mask. Yeah, anyway, sorry yea if I stepped on anyone's toe.
-chen-
Hmm for me I'm kind of on the other end of "no mask". I actually find it a struggle to actually put a mask on, since from childhood I'm taught not to lie at all (this is just a side effect of something my parents said to me, it's not like they drilled it down my throat). I'm not comfortable with saying anything at all that I dont agree with, so I try to not say anything if what I'm going to say will be hurtful AND not useful. Or use kinder words other than being frank.
Having lived like this all my live IMO being able to put a mask is actually a life skill, although as with everything in life, if it's not balanced, it's never good.
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